UK versus Australia

IMPORTANT UPDATE BELOW…

Today I went to my bank to ask them for a ‘bank cheque’/'banker’s draft’ – something that would have been free at my bank in Australia, but, as it turns out, would cost £15 to do here in the UK.  Inspired by this, I have put together a list of contrasting strengths in terms of the UK and Australia:

Firstly, ways in which Australia beats the UK:

• Means of fastening bread bags: In the UK, they seal the plastic bags that have loaves of bread in them with tape… yes, TAPE!!  So silly!!!… Oh how I miss those little plastic reusable things that they use in Australia to seal bread bags… and they also double as ukulele plectrums.
• Temperature of drinks and food: Here in the UK, my local bakery serves sausage rolls COLD – and if you ask for it to be heated up they give you a quizzical look as if you’re a raving just-escaped-from-the-funny-farm loony… and at kids’ parties they often serve cold little sausage rolls.  And they often serve soft drinks WARM!  If you attempted these outrageous atrocities in Australia, you’d be socially ostracised and possibly given a wet willy.
• Charging for shopping trolleys: In the UK you usually have to pay a returnable pound to use a shopping trolley.  The obvious disadvantage of this system is that it seriously lessens the frequency of people leaving shopping trolleys in the surrounding streets, to be used by teenagers in hilarious late-night drunken antics.  This has been a well-respected rite of passage in Australia for generations.

Secondly, ways in which the UK beats Australia:

• A negligible interest in being sensible: I think that in the UK, people are freer to be eccentric and silly and creative, and to do things that just lack common sense, such as study theology or philosophy.  In Australia, I find a much more pragmatic attitude to study and life in general – and I think this is to Australia’s detriment.
• Seriously addictive children’s television: The UK totally beats Australia in terms of kids’ TV – One of my all time favourite activities is to suddenly race into the room in the middle of a hermeneutics lecture at uni and burst into the theme song to the kids’ show Balamory: “What’s the story in Balamory, wouldn’t you like to know?  What’s the story in Balamory, where would you like to go?”  This always gets some applause
• Use of the word ‘poorly’: In the UK, if you feel sick, you say that you feel ‘poorly’… and I kinda like that.  In Australia, if you feel sick, you say, “I feel sick” - which invites a response of suspicion, along the lines of “I hope you’re not planning to give it to ME”, rather than “I feel poorly” – which would invite a response of compassion, along the lines of “Ohh you poor pitiable thing… come here and let me cuddle you better.”

I think that pretty much covers all the differences between the UK and Australia… so where would I rather be?  Well I like both places – both of them are quite endearing really.  So at the moment I’ll put up with bread tape and cold sausage rolls and expensive trolleys… I like it here.

IMPORTANT UPDATE: As though by divine providence, I am now officially poorly; but will be soldiering on with the Greek reading group tomorrow… feel free to tilt your head in a compassionate gesture, quietly utter the words, “Awww poor lil feller… he’s poorly!”, and stretch out your arms for a hug.