Ways to deceive people into thinking you are doing work

As a community service, I offer these humble ideas:

• Look pensive/thoughtful: Put your hand on your chin and stare intently into space.  On the inside you can be thinking about anything at all – I suggest you imagine being served a piece of warm banoffee pie, or wonder about why people don’t play hopskotch anymore.
• Furrow your brow and write furiously.  As long as your brow is properly furrowed, this will enable you to get away with anything.  At one theology seminar here at uni, the guy next to me appeared to be furiously taking notes – complete with appropriate brow-furrowing.  When I peered over for a peek, it turned out he was drawing circles and then colouring them in.  Respect.
• Go onto youtube or ebay or cryptotheology or a similar online time-waster, and just do whatever you want to do – but make sure that, if others are within earshot, you emit an occasional thoughtful “hmmmm” or an enthusiastic “aHA – I think I understand this concept now!”  Just make sure no one can see your screen.
• Similar to the above idea: Do anything at all that you want to do (I recommend re-enacting the hilarious “Uncle Rico throws a steak at Napolean Dynamite” scene in your head), but clutch a large copy of Nietzche’s “Also sprach Zarathustra” in your hand – it’s very important that this should be in German.  This will give the impression that you’re just taking a bit of time to digest something you’ve just read.  If someone approaches you and says, “Ahh ist das ein gutes buch?” you have two options: 1) Give an ambiguously dismissive chortle: “Pffft!!”; 2) Throw a steak at them and run.
• And finally: Look for all the world like you’re typing up a chapter of your dissertation, when you’re actually coming up with a community service announcement about ways to avoid work…