Well you’ve seen Emily, Christoph, Andrew and myself on Bibledex… now see us DANCE!

courtesy of Peter!

I try to comfort myself by thinking about it in this way:

1. God did not create darkness; he created light – and darkness is simply the absence of light
2. God did not create evil; he created good – and evil is simply a corruption of good
3. God did not create dentists; he created doctors – and a third of them became corrupted, or “dented”… from which we get the term “dentists”

(I got a filling today)

Here is the footage from April’s Department of Theology Drama Production… who ever thought John Millbank would come across this well in a donkey suit?

forgive me

I think I have just invented the lamest and most esoteric theological joke ever (correct me if I’m wrong):

Q: How do we know that Calvin prefers fighting to drinking?

A: Because Battles is better than Beveridge!

UPDATE: If you prefer, you may use the other version of the joke:

Q: How do we know that Calvin prefers beer to war?

A: Because Beveridge is better than Battles!

I know it’s Reformation day and All Saints’ Eve and Halloween and my mum’s birthday – but there is an even more pressing issue to post about: I think there’s a new cold war a’brewin.  My evidence?  For the last week or two I’ve received LOADS of russian spam on my blog.  I don’t understand any of it, but I suspect the KGB.

“The rapture index” is a website that explains itself thusly:

The Rapture Index has two functions: one is to factor together a number of related end time components into a cohesive indicator, and the other is to standardize those components to eliminate the wide variance that currently exists with prophecy reporting. The Rapture Index is by no means meant to predict the rapture, however, the index is designed to measure the type of activity that could act as a precursor to the rapture. You could say the Rapture index is a Dow Jones Industrial Average of end time activity, but I think it would be better if you viewed it as prophetic speedometer. The higher the number, the faster we’re moving towards the occurrence of pre-tribulation rapture.

So here’s an experiment that ought to show how sane this website is:

1. Go to google
2. Type in: The rapture index
3. Don’t press enter or click ‘go’; simply look at what suggestion google gives…

Do it.  NOW.

Today I realised, thanks to a timely post by Bryan, that being October 23rd, it’s the EARTH’s BIRTHDAY – according to Bishop James Ussher.  So, knowing that we were about to have a biblical studies seminar here at the University of Nottingham, I nipped off to the shops to get 6013 candles for a celebratory cake (serendipitously prepared by Emily).  Unfortunately they could only spare 9 candles at the shop, so that had to suffice…

Happy birthday, earth – from all of us here at cryptotheology

I’ve been quite busy lately – looking into jobs, preparing Greek tests, presenting papers, finishing chapters, working on side projects… but when the opportunity came up to go see a comedy night at the local pub tonight, I could hardly say no.  The problem is, I didn’t laugh.  I almost laughed at one point but then the moment passed.  I realised something: Live comedy is hard.  I discussed this with my bro-in-law and we concluded that what’s required is a good team of writers, providing the material.

So here’s where the call for submissions comes in.  The deal is as follows: You submit snippets of humour, we’ll organise a comedy gig where we’ll put things together and perform it (giving due credit for each joke/hilarious anecdote received), we’ll video the show, and then post it on youtube.

So there it is – anyone know anything funny?  Nothing crude, and no jokes about albino monks.

I’m named Matthew.  My son is named Luke.  But this takes the cake: These parents named their son “Q”.  Nice

Normally I don’t like picking on Dan Brown – it feels like taking away a kid’s crutches, or sniggering when someone walks out of the toilets dragging a couple of metres of toilet paper on the bottom of their shoe – I feel like I ought to leave the poor guy alone.  But the Times last week had a parody that was just too good – “My Week: Dan Brown (according to Hugo Rifkind)”.  It begins thusly:

Monday I could feel a nose that was about to sneeze, and I knew it was my own. I’m going to sneeze. “Have a tissue,” said my 47-year-old literary agent who was wearing a red and green striped tie and a brown corduroy jacket with patches on the elbows and other stuff that I’ll mysteriously not mention despite being so incredibly specific thus far. “Thank you,” I said, and I sneezed like I did the first time we met over a decade ago when I had no idea that I would one day be the incredibly famous bestselling 45-year-old author Dan Brown who wrote The Da Vinci Code. Today we were meeting to discuss my next novel which will be a bestselling story about where all the odd socks go. “That’s a rubbish idea,” said my agent. And even when I told him that the mystery would be solved by an intelligent and beautiful Harvard sockologist who looks like Angelina Jolie he did not change his mind. “The famous author is disappointed,” I told him. “You don’t need to tell me that,” said my agent. “I can infer it from the look on your face and the general circumstances of the situation.” “I don’t understand,” I said. “I know,” said my agent.

You can see the whole thing here.  With thanks to Matt for the tip.